John Wayne Bobbitt Seeks Money, New Penis

Baltimore, Maryland:

  It's been a little over 18 years since Bobbitt (Penis-less) had his miniscule dork chopped off by his free wheeling, manic, ex-wife Lorena. Modern medicine  told us that a prick laying in traffic can be surgically repaired and re-attached.  Bobbitt, after 18 years, tells us he hasn't had a real wiener since that fateful night. "It really has been a struggle" recalls Bobbitt, sitting by the pool at his home in Baltimore. " My cock used to work overtime, it'd be up at the crack of dawn, and go all day. Sometimes working 60-70 hours a week".
  Bobbitt appeared in an adult film entitled The Man with the Golden Penis, showing off his mutilated manly-hood. But soon after, the problems began. It started after a hard night of drinking, Bobbitt went into a urinal at Tony Orlando's House of Pancakes, and when he started to pee, "it sprayed everywhere". Bobbitt sheds some light on his troubles, "It's really hard to talk about, but I've been pissing in an inclosure for the better part of the last 18 years." This inclosure that Bobbitt is talking about is a urine coated piece of aluminum he has fashioned around the bowl of his toilet all the way to the ceiling. He visited with the Doctor that performed the surgery, Dr. Galen Hall. "Hall told me I was being too rough with it, but I really wasn't. I was just trying to utilize my penis as an instrument of waste".
  Bobbit was told in the earliest stages to take it easy and he says he did just that. "But, after a year or so, you get pretty curious". At first, he started stretching it out, and handling it with more vigor. "I would stretch it, stretch it, and stretch it, than it became more malleable", remembers Bobbitt, "Pretty soon after that I'd pluck it, like a bass, and in a short time, I was able to achieve tones from it. Than I realized I could play songs. The first song I learned was the theme from Barney Miller".
  After all this time Bobbitt says he can't live like this. "My penis has been a running joke for years now. And it's about time I get a new one". His lawyer, C. Thomas Howell III has brought a multi million dollar malpractice suit to the steps of Our Sister of Convulsions Hospital and Therapeutic Dream Center and Dr. Galen Hall. Bobbitt is seeking 4.67 million dollars and a brand new, 8 inch penis. "It's just time. I've lived with the shame, and it's not about the money as much as it's about the penis", Bobbitt's eyes begin to fill up. "I dream of a day when my crank gets up like it used to, and I don't have to sit to piss".