Hollywood, California:
Keira Knightley, the beautiful English actress known for terrible roles in films like Pirates of the Caribbean 1,2 and 3, has called off her engagement to fellow British actor Rupert Friend after 5 years together. "The last couple of years in particular, things had gotten a lot more difficult", Knightley told Death Blow by phone as she relaxed in between takes of Exploding Robots, the latest action adventure from Jerry Bruckheimer. "Rupert had gotten very jealous over my incessant infidelity".
Knightley (25) has been seen around town with Medtronic little big man "Irish" Ben Walker. Walker, who has been known to stalk and over power women whom he becomes infatuated with, hung outside of Knightley's Hollywood Hills home for 2 weeks. "I did a lot of soul searching", Walker said as he began to creepily stare down 2 small Lebanese women, "and I slipped Keira some Ruffies and locked her in a closet until she agreed to marry me". Knightley insists they are "taking it slow", but also admits Walker's "power and sexual bravado are substantial".
When asked about Walker compared to Friend, she responded "In the bedroom Rupert was like my brother, while Ben is more like my mother". Ben Walker is infamous for stuffing a banana in his shorts before any big meeting. He also likes burning bridges and the music of Suzanna Hoffs. When asked to speculate on their future together, Knightley laughed and said, " I can see us having children one day, only they'd be very little." Ben Walker is 34 years old and stands 5'0" tall.
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