Taco Bell introduces new DWI window

Albuquerque, New Mexico:

     Taco Bell, the nation's finest Mexican fast food restaurant has begun to install a variety of changes, citing the economy and terrorism as "major contributors in our decisions". Among the changes, they've adjusted the drive thru to two lanes, one being a "DWI window" (pictured above). "The DWI window is accessed by people operating their vehicles at or above .15  on the easy to use breathalyzer that's been  installed in front of the menu screen", Taco Bell president Greg Creed said as he watched a truckload of underage drinkers approaching the DWI window, "We made it simple for our customers".
  The enhanced menu also has added quick meals designed for the hammered and on the go. "People want good, quick food when they've been out boozing", Creed tells Death Blow, "so we've come up with a solution". The "Drunken Stupor" value menu features items like the Burro El Topo, (2 handful's of crushed up Lucky Charms) and the Chupar Be Eista, (chopped up two day old calzone). "This is all just the beginning" continues Creed as he locks a cashier in the bathroom, "we can see the future, and although it's a little out of focus, we can see the past".
   Taco Bell continues to innovate in the ultra competitive fast food market. They were the first to hire illegal aliens. They were the first to position children in areas of supervision. And they are the first to accommodate drunks openly. "Drunks, homeless people, white trash, this has been the backbone of Taco Bell and will remain the backbone of Taco Bell",  Creed insists as he belittles a cook who is having a tough day, "our brand is one of ingenuity, intolerance and a splash of self hatred. We believe those three principles will guide us through the next century".